How do I Handle Men Who Say Rude Things About Natural Hair?

07/28/2013 | By | More

 

Question:

I wanted to get your opinion on something and ideas on how to handle these types of people. Just yesterday I had a couple of African American male coworkers laughingly tell me “Natural isn’t for everybody!”  Some of my friends said I should tell them why their thinking is wrong. Others said I should ask them why God gave us natural hair if it wasn’t for us. I want to ask your opinion though — Do I slap them or re-educate them?

~Sherry

Answer:15244397_s

Tough spot to be in since you work with them and have to see them regularly. I guess most women would think the polite thing to do would be to spend time explaining and informing the men about their hair in response.

But I think if they wanted to be educated, they would have approached you and said “Sherry, we’d like to know more about the natural hair thing you are doing. Can you tell me why so many Sistah’s are going natural?”

But that is not what either of them did. They came with a definitive position and opinion which does not leave room for negotiation or even an exchange. Anything you say to the contrary is an argument which means you are exerting energy trying to CHANGE THEM.

Now, since I am a relationship advice professional, I can flatly say that is one of the TOP mistakes women make with men. Women are forever trying to explain, show, prove and teach grown men things they are very capable of teaching themselves. Women across the country will waste hours and even years of their time trying to CHANGE MEN into what they want them to be. Let’s not even go down that road. Stop it before it starts! Remember, it is not your job to educate them about natural hair unless they ask you to share your experience and thoughts.

It is not your responsibility to make them see anything. It is not your responsibility to explain anything. It is not your role to educate them in any way about YOUR hair.  It’s yours and you can wear it in whatever way pleases you. You don’t need their consent or approval.

And finally, they are men and are fully capable of picking up a book or going on a website to learn. Put them on NIGNORE. They don’t pay you. You aren’t dating them. They are nothing in your world, so why waste energy arguing with them? Never argue with fools is my motto!

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About the Author ()

Blogger, writer, relationships/dating expert, fitness trainer and natural hair enthusiast since 1997. Sharing information from grandmomma, books and scientific journals, as well as my personal discoveries and experiences with natural hair as we journey from relaxers, flat irons and weaves together.

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